Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers

   When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should've listened the first time

   The first step is admitting you're a problem.

   Have you noticed each generation is getting ruder and shorter?

   The only time I've ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.

   McDonalds Monopoly starts today, and my annual ritual to find my specs so I can read the .05 mm alphanumeric numbers on the bottom

   Most things are easier said than done, I wish it was the other way around.

   Ghetto Word Of The Day: HOTEL. Usage: I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody.

   If you seriously get jealous of them having friends of the opposite sex on Facebook, then your a$$ deserves to be dumped.

   Saw a Chinese baby and a black kid wave at each other today. Gives me hope for the future. Or another Rush Hour movie

   It sucks when the ugly friend is the only one that is interested in you.

   Some people have thousands of friends on Facebook, then they turn off the computer and they have nobody.

   Face your problems,Don't Facebook them!

   Guess who just discovered the bipolar emoticon? :):

   We need to stop calling Wednesday "Hump Day." Anyone with children knows that humping doesn't happen on school nights.

   After seeing Nancy Grace's nipple slip on Dancing With The Stars....I must say I will never eat bologna again!! Thanks alot Nancy!!

   Release frustration wisely: Have angry sex.

   Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don't want to know."

   WELL THE YARD SALE WENT WELL ......$27,000 DOLLARS .......WE WILL BE OFF TO MIAMI FOR A FEW DAYS .....I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WHEN THE NEIGHBORS NOTCE THEIR BARBEQUE GRILLS, PATIO FURNITURE AND POTTED PLANTS ARE MISSING ..... TA TA !!!!!

   To be honest, I'm just trying to look busy until that new Muppet movie comes out.