Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The problem with trying to avoid a problem by “playing stupid” is that far too often, you wind up looking like you won. .

   I like my women like how I like my dogs. Loyal, color-blind, and my best friend.

   Why don't you cram some of that make up down your throat so you can be pretty on the inside>?

   my daughters convinced me to take in a stray cat they found. in retrospect, I really should be clearer and more specific with my wishing!

   So sad... Please put this on your status if you know or are related to someone who suffers from stupidity. People need to understand that stupidity is real and should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a stupid person right now.

   Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to....

   This damn Mcdonald's never has a fully stocked condiment counter. This is the last straw!

   Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove

   I like my wife how I like my girlfriend....horny and home every other day.

   Who's that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again!!

   Since I don't know how to draw I decided to be an artist

   when the truth is gone.. the relationship is over.

   two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"

   Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter

   even the sweetest memories have a bitter taste

   If she drinks apple juice she is too young for you bro

   Who needs soap operas, talk shows, reality tv, newspapers, and books when there is facebook

   That #MomentOfPanic when in the middle of showing your girlfriend a video on your phone.......another girl calls

   Big Shout out goin out to all the pretty chics that look ugly when they turn the lights on at the end of the night in the club. You're all special in the dark. =)

   my dogs weird. I flip him off and he just wags his tail