Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not being able to see the forest for the bears is a lot worse.

   I just keyed 2+2=5 onto the hood of a Smart Car.

   Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.

   Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.

   Miss Brazil was robbed at gunpoint. According to Witnesses It was a clean snatch

   Life is too short to remove the USB drive safely

   I advise you not to mess with me.. I know karate, kung fu, taekwondo, judo, jujitsu, and 47 other dangerous words.

   hmm, not sure if the thermometer is laughing at me (lol) or if it actually says 101..

   so apparently Pearl Visions "Share the Pairs" event, isn't what you would think...

   I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'

   They say milk gives you strength. Drink 3 glasses and move a wall. You can't. But drink 3 shots of vodka and see - the wall moves on its own! :p =D

   It's so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   Wondering why the American government has been spending millions of tax payers money on building massive underground bunkers, tunnel systems and strange prison like camps all over your country. Sincerely: Your concerned friends north of the border

   I don't have tourette's...random thoughts just fall out of my mouth!

   Wondering if Americans are going to allow themselves to be fooled by their own intelligence agencies into really believing that their nation is at risk from hackers, allowing their government to completely reformat the Internet the way they see fit

   Wondering if people will start looking at pictures of the moon in 'natural color' and not 'greyscale or B+W' like NASA has been showing us for 50+ years and realize a secret so profound, it will change the course of mankind forever...

   if this is what hell is with weather in Chicago, than I am repenting as we speak!

   Sorry, but I don't take relationship advice from single people. That's like taking advice on how to jump hurdles from a dude with no legs.

   I hope I'm the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.

   Want to feel old? Kim Carnes of Bette Davis eyes fame turns 65 today.