Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I head they found a stash of porn with Bin Laden, guess that would be considered "Weapons of mass-terbation

   Treat your girl right, or another guy will

   Hey MARIO..!! Remember me??? I wasted my CHILDHOOD saving your girlfriend

   Dont cry poor to me--- as you update your status from your I-Phone!!

   if you don't like someone on facebook, there's this awesome block button. it saves a lot of drama.

   Dear Cellphone companies>>>Please add an "Unsend my text" option!!

   Admits he chooses a Presidedntial Canidate on the basis that they resemble someone on the cast of Saturday Nite Live.

   If you are tanner than your girlfriend, you are wrong.

   wishes the cold froze off fat rather than ass...

   Why do I know all the words to Cher's Shoop Shoop song? And why is it impossible to look cool when you get caught singing it in traffic

   Great, first MSN. Then freindster, now the spam has came to facebook. Just what everyone needs, a Social Networking page filled with bulls^!Ys!!!

   I'm opening up a tattoo shop just for blind people. I wont really tattoo them. I'll just stab'em with a needle taped to a vibrator for an hour

   Now that the world is ending this Saturday, making plans for the weekend will be so much easier

   if a midget with down syndrome is running late, is it ok to call him a little tardy?

   I like to walk around the fair with a giant stuffed animal I brought from home, ‘cause I need people to think I'm a winner.

   anyone interested in having a Rapture party this weekend?

   hoping that all the Farmville crops are ok in Alabama....

   Monday is like a midget at a urinal...You have to be on your toes!!

   Sooooo this midget walks into a bar....well a bicycle rack....

   my new workout plan is P69X!