Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Jason Aldean. If I wanted to listen to rap I would have turned another station besides Country. Pull your pants so I can't see your underwear and let it go.

   If you have a mom or wife that is an awesome mother don't post it here....get ur lazy ass up and go tell her in person!!

   On Fathers day, we thank our dads for our moms. On Mothers day, we thank our mama for not swallowing us.

   My neighbor is either having sex or been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.

   this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

   NO , people should stop arguing about ps3 and. Xbox 360 , because we all know the BEST system is, was and always will be the Atari 2600.

   Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

   If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.

   If your going to ask a girl out, make sure you know you'll treat her right. I see some guys treat their Girls like garbage. It's a disgrace. Have some respect!

   Born Free and Taxed to death!

   it "Pets Mart"? Or is it "Pet Smart"?

   My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

   Two plus two is five given very large quantities of two.

   My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”

   FaceBook account for sale....Friends included!

   That Awkward Moment When You Look Outside Your Window And Someones' Looking At You...

   Better get a bigger spatula before you try flipping that on me!

   I just thought of a quick way to spot a woman who is having that time of the month attitude problem! I call it the "Eye Pad!"

   Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923