Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   AT&T is buying T-Mobile for $39 billion. It was a tough call for AT&T, but then again—EVERY call is a tough call for AT&T.

   Hahaha AT&T bought out t mobile. After all the hating on tv, they sold out, shows how much better your 4g network is.

   AT&T should make a commercial with the pink dress girl naked and say, hey tmobile where is your clothes? And the girl can say you bought it right off my back.

   You decided to show your true colours.....guess I didn't like the painting.

   ‎"Hello? George? This is Barack. I need to talk to you about Libya..."

   Go to google, type in 'giraffes are' and check out the auto complete suggestions...

   I'm Not Walking With My Head Down Because I'm Sad, My Head Is Down Because I Want To Be The First Person To Find Whatever You Lose.

   God's little inside joke..Give a man a heart & feelings that can be crushed in a matter of seconds.

   I'm so awesome that before I was born, my mother had an ultrasound, and they asked for a sequel.

   Sammy Hagar says he was abducted by aliens. I thought he was an alien.

   For fun, I like to tase people at renissance fairs, it makes me feel like an evil wizard.

     Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens.

   We all have a lil devil and an lil angel on our shoulders... Only problem is my lil devil is a hypnotist...

   AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married, There will be no reception.

   The Dentist is the only man certified to say to a woman, "Lay down, relax, open wide, say ahh, now spit."

   The awkward moment when your laughing at a joke then you realise its about you

   My boss doesn't like it when I play slavery songs at work….

   today has been so boring and uneventful, there must be a twist ending in the works. Like one of my co-workers will be revealed as a cyborg, or someone will get eaten by a bear.

   In the movie of life, I'd probably be credited as "Bar Guy #3".

   Why is President Obama out of the country and on vacation when this Charlie Sheen thing is still playing out?