Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 76 of 6384
If you eat cake fast enough your Fitbit thinks you're walking
←Rate |
01-13-2020 09:21
Comments (0)
Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say..
←Rate |
01-30-2020 07:08
Comments (0)
Iowa's voting app failed because it was too icy to climb up the telephone poles to vote.
←Rate |
02-04-2020 10:56
Comments (0)
Happy birthday to Alexander Graham Bell. In his honor, I’ll be calling in sick.
←Rate |
03-03-2020 06:32
Comments (0)
New Commandment: 11. Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor.
←Rate |
03-24-2020 07:05
Comments (0)
Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
←Rate |
03-26-2020 15:34
Comments (0)
A guy at Kroger asked me if I know where Engagement, Ohio is. I said it's between Dayton and Marion.
←Rate |
04-21-2020 07:27
Comments (0)
Pro Tip: If you wear a face mask your coworkers can't smell the alcohol on your breath.
Obviously stupidity
is much more contagious
than Covid19
←Rate |
06-05-2020 07:02
Comments (0)
i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
←Rate |
06-29-2020 10:01
Comments (0)
Acknowledge many, trust few, but always paddle your own Canoe
←Rate |
07-13-2020 16:30
Comments (0)
The Lysol commercial said I should disinfect what I touch the most but I have a feeling that's gonna burn.
←Rate |
07-16-2020 21:14
Comments (0)
What does "colder than hell" mean? Isn't everyplace colder than hell?
←Rate |
02-24-2018 23:33
Comments (0)
It's pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it's not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
←Rate |
04-09-2018 11:36
Comments (0)
More bad news for Millennials. Hangovers hurt worse the older you get...
←Rate |
08-22-2017 15:09
Comments (0)
Whenever someone tells me "things could always be worse", I try to be optimistic and reply "things could always be better." That's the power of positive thinking, right?
←Rate |
09-27-2017 04:53
Comments (0)
Anything can be used as a dartboard. Like your coworker Jim who always says "another day in paradise".
←Rate |
07-10-2018 23:13
Comments (0)
it too much to hope that my good cholesterol will be a positive influence on my bad cholesterol.
←Rate |
09-10-2018 06:53
Comments (0)
The only difference between brown nosing and butt kissing is depth perception.
←Rate |
09-12-2018 06:53
Comments (0)
Using my feet to lift toilet seats or push the flush handle at public restrooms has helped hone my ninja like skills.
←Rate |
10-15-2018 14:41
Comments (0)