Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just imagine if we all actually became what we said we wanted to be when we grew up... The World would be full of Ninjas, Princess, Mermaids and Dragon Slayers....

   Either I am getting huge or Facebook decreased it's font size.

   thinking that Venti must be the Italian word for "you just paid an insane amount of money for a cup of coffee."

   Camping out for black friday is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you'll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   Stephen Hawking is British? Weird... I never noticed an accent.

   You know you're getting older when you start listening to AM talk radio.

   Do you remember Sit and Spin? No, not the toy... your early drinking days.

   Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted a blog on their website on May 16 , 2011; concerning Zombie Apocalypse preparedness.... ummmmm is there something the Government not telling us ???

   Children are the gift that keeps on taking...

   had a very confident breakdown today. Wasn't nervous at all.

   When I drop my phone, I act like I've dropped a new born baby.

   If you're gonna blast music through your headphones so everyone can hear, do the rest of us a favor and ask for requests

   Stupid mistakes are made by others. I only make unavoidable errors

   Def Leppard is the safest music to air drum to while driving because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

   2016: Well 2017, it's almost your turn. You cannot possibly do as bad a job as I did. 2017: Hold my beer.

   "In 300 feet you will arrive at your destination. But it was never about the destination. It was about the journey." -Buddhist GPS

   The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

   It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".

   I don't go to the mailbox because that's where the Responsibility Monster lives.