Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 180 of 6384
Did you ever notice how Smokey the Bear is always steering the conversation towards the subject of forest fires? Should we tell someone?
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10-28-2020 07:44
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I can see the appeal of being a nudest everytime I do laundry
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11-10-2020 08:25
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I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up and ruin Christmas again this year.
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12-01-2020 08:49
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Official quote of 2020 ... "YOU'RE ON MUTE !!"
Welcome to your 50s. You can now pull a muscle peeling boiled eggs.
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12-04-2020 08:09
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Today I used bath oil for the first time. I am trying to get out of the bathtub for an hour now. Please send help.
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12-28-2020 10:04
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When people say we're in this together! I wonder if they'd mind if I sent them some of my bills until my stimulus check gets here?
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12-29-2020 08:23
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Therapist: so you pop pills all-day, eat random fruit you find on the ground, and see ghosts? Pac-Man: *deep breath*
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12-29-2020 09:30
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Dear AT&T, I'm not interested but appreciate you wanting to save me money. And if you'd like to save money stop mailing me letters!
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01-23-2021 16:21
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me: [lists something on fb marketplace for $400 that’s worth $1,000 new.] person: take $6??
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01-26-2021 08:15
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I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed
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03-14-2021 18:47
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I always wanted to be an anesthesiologist but I gave up that dream because I couldn’t figure out how to spell it.
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03-16-2021 08:23
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Dating site for pyromaniacs: Match.com
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10-19-2017 19:23
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Winter storm named Grayson sounds like it should be wearing a tweed jacket
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01-06-2018 02:44
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Anybody have a treadmill for sale? My closet is full and I need more space to hang my clothes
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01-11-2018 03:22
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What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use my bank account?
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02-01-2018 03:52
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Between the Super Bowl commercials and today’s teen challenges...Tide is killing it!
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02-04-2018 23:08 by tmk
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I just tried to pull my sleeve up and accidentally punched myself.its ok though,I've had it coming for some time now.
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02-09-2018 13:07
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Origami was invented by a guy who kept running out of toilet paper
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02-20-2018 22:31
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I have my headphones on at the Gym, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart
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02-24-2018 05:40
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