Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   So many people fall in love with the wrong person, simply b/c the wrong person will often say all the right things.

   Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..

   People think i'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a f*ck what they're talking about.

   It's time to be concerned about unemployment when attractive people start losing their jobs.

   WHY DO OLD PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, BUT YOUNG PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEIR DAYS ARE LIMITED....?

   I was eating Oreos, and I was dunking one in milk and the cookie broke and sank to the bottom. So now I'm just sitting here, staring at the glass and wondering why bad things happen to good people.

   Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport..

   I hate people that say " He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say " He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."

   I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

   Ever notice that people who snore seem to always fall asleep first?

   Funny new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Bob.

   Casey Anthony places a call to 911 in fear of her life..... Dispatcher: What is your emergency? CA: Please help me, I have a bunch of people trying to kill me. Dispatcher: Okay Miss Anthony, try to stay calm, an officer will be there in 31 days

   If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we're fucked.

   wondering why people with bad breath are always wanting to tell me a secret.

   Go home North Korea, you're drunk!

   I don't regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burned them.

   I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.

   It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.

   Want people to leave you alone? Tuck in your sweater.

   Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them