Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 175 of 6384
Hey Jussie, everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it.
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02-22-2019 13:14
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I wish I was a manager at Disneyland. I'd start every meeting by saying "What kind of a Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
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08-11-2019 10:51
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I think it's a miracle Jesus was able to turn water into wine but I thank God each morning for giving me the ability to turn water into coffee.
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09-30-2019 10:03
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Ironically removing episodes from old comedy show because they are offensive..They'll end up on the black market.
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06-12-2020 01:53 by Ben
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Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
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06-30-2016 02:35
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So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
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01-02-2018 03:12 by Jake
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I'm from Canada, we use the metric system, so 'third base' means 'butt stuff'.
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10-30-2012 15:34
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I've decided that I'm an ass man. Don't get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just dont have the majestic aura of the donkey.
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08-03-2013 11:41
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Dear Customer Service: When are all of your representatives NOT assisting other callers?
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07-15-2012 17:21 by Jitney
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So, you're telling me that the Grammys aren't cute little bags of cocaine?
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01-28-2014 12:48
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If you are thinking about getting married but are unsure, ask yourself "What would Jesus do?" Then remember that Jesus was never married.
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01-24-2016 08:05
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Gray hair is the human body's equivalent of low toner.
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03-24-2016 07:25
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People setting up GoFundMe's because they can't afford a TV... Don't you know that's what lay-a-way is for?
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04-26-2016 21:49 by eengrms
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Due to the Economy, All dollar stores will be accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
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05-09-2016 14:30
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It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
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05-05-2010 12:15 by Joser
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It's February. Think now may be a good time to take down your freakin' Christmas lights? Hmm?
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02-04-2011 15:30
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It's so cold outside, I just saw a fox trying to jump-start another fox.
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01-01-2018 20:33
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You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died and were content with it.
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05-09-2018 07:27
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I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens?
That's 12 months of training gone to waste!
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09-21-2018 05:58 by Truman
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If you bought a fruitcake this weekend, you have until March 2035 to eat it.
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11-28-2016 06:33
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