Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bought some TP at the dollar store today so yeah, life is going pretty good these days...

   I eat those silica gel packets because consumer electronics are not the boss of me.

   Apparently, referring to Latex Gloves as "Corona Condoms" at work is frowned upon.

   Remember wearing shoes? Is that still a thing?

   I was slicing leftover ham as my kids were watching Peppa Pig and I was momentarily very sorry

   For all you people worrying about toilet paper, you could use your finger. You would be more likely to wash your hands, and less likely to touch your face. Hope this helps...

   Doctor Cathy told me I was really sweet. Well, she actually said I am severely diabetic but I knew what she meant.

   If they are taking all the letters of the alphabet, what will we use?

   My behavior during the Pandemic should earn me the Nobel Peace Prize

   87% of parenting is yelling, “DON’T MAKE ME COME IN THERE,” from a different room.

   I went to the store to buy some invisible tape but I didn't see any.

   Here’s a little song I wrote about being old in the summer it’s called “Sunburn on My Bald Spot” and a one and a two

   That feeling when you must evacuate your bowels after drinking fermented tea should be called spontaneous kombucha.

   Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.

   there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?

   I say, Tiffany Cormier has some pretty interesting things to say.

   "You complete me" ~ Me talking to my phone charger.

   When people say; I was thinking, Most weren't really.

   :) Fun fact: Coca cola (coke) and other cola drinks would be green if not for the caramel coloring they add to it.

   OK. So I danced like no one was watching. I need bail money.