Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   wonders why all the old people talk about how far they walked to school back in the day...didnt anyone live close to the school back then

   Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it.

   If you see one of those people on the street swearing & muttering to themselves be nice, it's probably me trying to remember my passwords.

   Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

   These people on my Facebook aren't really friends, just more of a wish list of people I want to sleep with

   I've forgotten how to "hang out" with people if alcohol isn't involved.

   Say what you want about drunk people, but at least they've had all their shots.

   In an instant it shook our faith in humanity. Watching people run towards the blast in the next instant restored it.

   I hate people who keep whining over their pointless self-created, self-inflicted and never-ending drama.

   I wonder how many people's phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"

   The irony that some of the ugliest people in the world come in the prettiest packaging

   stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

   Man, there's a lot of people here suffering from advanced butt hurt. Do we need to call a whambulance for you?

   I think some people just shouldn't be allowed reproduce because of their IQ level.

   Some people have the emotional depth of rainfall collected in a thimble at the Sahara Desert.

   When People Say, "When I Was Little I..." And I'm Just Sitting There Awkwardly Like, "I Still Do That"....

   Don't flatter yourself, some people will "LIKE' anything just to get into your pants.

   If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   We need naked bitstrip cartoon people if this is going to work. Just my opinion.

   can't wait to see the drunk version of me on camera