Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 121 of 6384
I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.
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08-17-2020 15:09
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Remember, after the police have been defunded and you have to shoot intruders, call 811 before you dig. It's the law.
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09-10-2020 08:02
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Some of you never rooted for Godzilla and it shows.
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09-14-2020 15:51
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That time hackers stole my nudes and returned them.
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09-17-2020 15:51
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Mean Girls 2020: “Gross, isn’t that the mask you wore yesterday?”
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09-25-2020 09:06
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I've decided to buy a Dallas Cowboys Covid mask. That way I know I won't catch anything.
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12-09-2020 10:14
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Everyone told Beethoven he would never be a composer because he was deaf. But did he listen?
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03-16-2021 12:47
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I need to start eating healthy but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so its not there to tempt me
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01-10-2018 04:57
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Hey kids, try the real Tide challenge. Get off your butt and wash your own clothes and fold them.
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01-16-2018 00:45
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As a parent you always worry that you want to raise your children to be productive members of society......and then you go to Walmart.
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01-19-2018 17:27
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The problem with a President Oprah is a Vice President Dr. Phil and a Surgeon General Dr. Oz.
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01-23-2018 15:43
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IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad died. He was 91. Funeral will be held as soon as we figure out how to put his coffin together.
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01-28-2018 09:02
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Facebook needs to make a "Slap you in the face with a dictionary" button
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02-16-2018 04:41
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NBA All Star Game: Fergie sang that National Anthem so bad, Collin Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the Anthem like that.
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02-18-2018 21:46 by JW
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This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.
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03-08-2018 22:26
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If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
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03-29-2018 14:08
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At this point, the only guy on the internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian Prince.
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04-13-2018 07:55
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30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her.
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11-16-2021 15:06
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My children want a cat for Christmas ... Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it can make them happy!
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12-11-2018 21:35
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An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.
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12-18-2018 21:51
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