Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Cartoons were better when people got anvils dropped on them and accidentally smoked dynamite like cigars.

   Remember, if you tell people who you voted for, it won’t come true

   In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

   A mail carrier in Florida is refusing to deliver mail to a nudist community. He said, "Sorry, but I'm just tired of seeing people's packages."

   I asked my doctor if I need to cancel my birthday party, but she said that’s only for events over 10 people.

   So I now have 921 friends on my friends list and I just wanted to let you know that you are all awesome people and I love each and everyone of you!!! <3 Except #631

   Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't

   When you donate sperm they ask if you have any “sociopathic tendencies”. I was like “other than creating people for money? ..No.”

   i don’t understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun, have you tried mac n cheese

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.

   You don't give up your car when someone else drives drunk! So why would you give up your gun when someone else commits a crime with a gun?!

   People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .

   I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.

   Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall

   I find it funny when people mention 'boys toys' I think of gadgets, cars, consoles. But when they mention 'womens toys' I think of vibrators, nipple clamps and whips

   People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn't even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.

   Making a list of people I want to visit after catching Ebola.

   People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.

   People boycotting L.L.Bean because the owner gave money to a Trump PAC? Not going to hurt them much as they sell work boots.....