Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Do you think I'll now what's up in "Horny Neighbors 3" without seeing the first 2? 
If a ram is a member of the sheep family,& a ass is the member of the horse family,why do they refer to a ram in the ass a goose ?
I've exercised and on a strict diet and I lost 70lbs (true story) but I just found out all I had to do was throw up after I eat. why doesn't everyone do this!
I have tweets with one or no stars,, so yes Grandpa, I can imagine what the Vietnam war was like
Nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it. J
If you start a sentence with ''i'm not a racist/sexist/homophobe/etc''... there is a 99.99999% chance that you are.
Lot of Cruz missiles being launched from DFW the past week...
Sometimes you just wanna get hit by a car and sometimes you just want to be the one driving and hit someone else.
Two weeks 'til America's Got Talent. Judges: A has been radio jock. An unfunny comedian. And a woman who's husband would have never advanced on this show.
“q”, “p”, “b” and “d” are the same letter, but with a different angle.
what do you call a man with no arms or legs laying by the front door? matt.
"I`M BATMAN" -Batman
Oh I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah I wanna dance with somebody With some bipolar nut job that loves me!
Your picture on Facebook (`▽´) .Your face in real life (‾(••)‾)
i'd like to get a job at the phone company. they get to choose the phone numbers ppl get. if an ex comes in, give her a number with the last 4 digits spelling WIDE or UGLY & let her be stuck with that number
I hope some brilliant people find a cure for every major disease, because I refuse to walk 5Ks.
Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me? Sit back down. Can't face me? Turn around.
The lack of Fathers Day cards is making me think I should have skeeted in her mouth instead.
Bees.. Bees.. the musical fruit, the more you eat,,,,, the more you get stung in your mouth and throat by bees
Alabama: The land of Gump. 