Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   tired of using technology

   spreading some positive molecules

   ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington

   Pope Benedict is so old, there are only two jobs available to him. 1) Bag boy at the supermarket. 2) Run for President on the Republican ticket.

   What are Jared Kushner's qualifications? Screwing the boss' daughter.

   Fun fact: Through late fees, I alone kept Blockbuster going from 2003-2005.

   Swallow my babies so I know your love is real.

   The Pope has called life in Germany under the Nazi's a "dark time". Altar boys have called life in Germany UNDER Priests "hurty hurty time".

   A skeleton was trying to fart in a crowded place but in the end it couldn't because it had no guts.

   If next Friday , the Friday before Easter has always been known as Good Friday ( Which sort of bothered me because it was far from a Good Friday for our Crucified Savior) shouldn't the Friday before Palm Sunday be known at least as Mediocre Friday?

   you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

   My computer beat me at chess, but I beat it at kickboxing

   A fat girl on her knees gives new meaning to the word, "Ball Hog!"

   Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

   Vote for Bernie or get stuck with HILLARY for the next 8 years. GOP isn't winning anything

   "Donald Trump for President" - Steve Harvey

   I call the Suicide Hotline from a pay phone, fire one round into the air and drop the phone.

   I wish there was a vaccine that would make me immune from having to hear all the whining over the Covid vaccines.

   Trump's budget: 2 + 2 = 7

   saw a police vehicle with a broken tail light. Can another police officer pull him over to give him a ticket?