Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   38sec -The male minute-

   The thing about flukes is that they cannot be repeated. Case in point; Hangover 2, Ke$ha, Robert Pattison, Basic Instinct 2, Oceans 12 & 13.

   People say that I'm stubborn but I insist that I'm not. They eventually give in to me.

   I mixed a chunk of poop into the dog's shampoo so he wouldn't feel obligated to roll around in anything stinky after his bath.

   My WTF moment of the day... Two pretty girls poke me..Then proceed to slap a fresh pic of them with their Bf on their wall.. wtf!

   playing a game of Hungry Hungry Typos.

   No education/common sense + a little success/money = Broke in a few years.

   Apparently Mubarak was trying to wait things out: " I will step down when the Cleveland Cavaliers win a game". I think he just realized he doesn't have all year to wait...

   I want my angel of the morning to be naughty in evenings.

   here's something for a friend that can't stop coughing. Give 'em some laxitives. It won't cure their cold, but I can guarantee they won't cough anymore. It says you care and F*@K YOU at the same time...nice.

   ‎"What is home really?" ... Where you hide your most intimate secrets...like your panty wearing fetish! Well that's mine, but you get the idea.

   I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek.

   Sitting here eating a dozen wings thinking how badly I want to be a vegetarian.

   My brother says Andrew how can you be drinking already its not even 11am, well I said I changed the time on my laptop 2 hours ahead.

   Chaz Bono to be on Dancing with the stars: Babe, It's not you babe.

   Having sex with someone who doesn't love you is like having sex with a cactus; it will leave you hurt and devastated.

   thinking...the only one who wants Snow right now is Charlie Sheen...I happen to have a whole driveway full....Winning!!!"

   I really wanna buy a "Winning" T-Shirt.

   You know the feeling when you're tired but you have better things to do than go to bed? I have it all the time.

   whys everyone so excited about opening day? I thought walgreens in town didnt open until tomorrow