Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Santa is that a toy in your bag or are you just happy to se me..

   A whole pot of and three Redbulls.....I can pronounce that symbol that Prince had for his name.

   The movie Project X sucked it was nothing like the original with Matthew Broderick and Helen Hunt

   Whenever someone tells me I should be ashamed of myself, I'm like "Got it covered, bro!"

   It's a Good thing Tim Tebow is a mobile Quarterback because Denver is gonna move his Ass out.

   Went to see the Hunger Games thinking it was a free-style attack all you can eat buffet. It was a movie. Very disappointed.

   Tiger Woods's win last weekend is a great reminder that sex addiction only affects your golf game for 923 days.

   I'm so blessed that I'm not the type of person who says "I'm so blessed."

   fool me once shame on you..fool me twice Go F**K yourself!

   I just found out that I hit the $640 million Mega Millions jackpot, but my Dog swallowed the ticket.

   All I'm saying is if steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for all of these Twitter & Facebook ho's.

   Long skirts carry dust; short skirts carry away souls. ~ Old Proverb

   David Lee Roth is apparently an old man now, yelling that the air conditioning was too cold in the arena last night, salsa dancing, jazz hands, total cornball.

   It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

   With "Slim T's" t-shirts Man has finally perfected the Wifebeater-girdle.

   Girls if you are looking for your superman.. go read a comic

   9 out of 10 doctors agree that the 10th doctor doesn't know what he's talking about.

   I Dared my sister to go in to the mens washroom today..but she did not have the Balls ..

   Jiffy Pop Time!!! As much fun to make as it is to eat....oh crap, wait...what yr is it?? How long have I been asleep

   Boy, pregnant women don't like to be called "b!tches" at ALL!