Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Picture's of the queen naked...wait! This is'nt Google...OOps!

   I want a girl that reminds me of my report card: her face has to be an A, she has to have double DDs, 'cause tonight I want to F.

   I don't know if I walked in to the wrong restroom, but it smells like fish in the men's room.

   Monday sounds alot like "Mundane"...just sayin...:(

   I bet if I lick that spot then you won't act like that.

   You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana

   oh, so I'm invisible to you now? sweet! I always wanted a super power:D

   Big Pool Party Going On Saturday Night,Through Sunday.Hosted By Hurricane Irene..Music By:Raindrops,Thunder,Wind&Guest Apperence By Lightning.This Gonna Get Crazy Get Your Life Jackets.

   All of my old friends pretend to be content upon a shelf. They've all got little lives and little wives and little lies but little else.

   You know what my problem is?! People telling me what my problem is.

   wonders how many of my knuckle children had the potential to be a doctor, president, or one day cure cancer.

   If you leave your iphone unattended I will tell Siri to kill you in your sleep.

   If I agree with you we'd both be wrong

   If the tables were turned and men could give birth it would be nice to hear Maury say "YOU ARE NOT THE MOTHER"!!!!!!

   I wished my neighbor hated weeds as much as I do....

   I have never bothered to check if Google actually has results on the second page.

   Nothing screams "I have a small peni$!" like screaming "I have a small peni$!"

   I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.

   Dad, thanks for forgetting to use a condom and creating the greatest person ever!

   Did Michael Jackson die again??