Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ + OUT, with your, B===D + OUT!

   If you're paddling upstream in a canoe at 56 liters per day, and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!! :D

   I lost my Viagara down the toilet....Now I have hard water!

   Nuevo censo fuera dice que 1 de 6 estadounidenses son hispanos. Me parece un poco difícil de creer. Feliz el jueves todos!

   Soo, I decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

   Dental appointment tomorrow... Before going, I like to eat taffy, oreos, & pumpkin seeds. It’s makes me feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.

   it's a little ironic when a gay guy gets drafted to the Rams....im sure he does a lot of ramming

   Titanic be like: I nominate all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenege

   Remember when Trump fired the entire pandemic response team in 2018 because he hated Obama? Coronavirus remembers.

   If Windows 7 is my idea, why the heck do I have to pay for it?

   My invisible make believe deity can beat up your invisible make believe deity

   In my office there's a light switch that doesn't do anything... Every so often, I turn it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Stop that!"

   Two wrongs don't make a right, but two rights make a hate group.

   My wife told me " it would be nice if you loaded the dishwasher once in a while after we eat." So after dinner tonight I'm going to buy her a 5th of jack.

   wondering.. If Jesus really IS the answer, does that mean you can write =Jesus for every answer on a test ... ?

   Just once I want to see a highway raised by its loving biological parents.

   dividing by zero!

   getting sick of following his dreams, so he's gonna find out where they are going and catch up to them later.

   Blue Moon > New Moon...

   Go Fish is more fun to play if you add "yourself" to the end of saying it.