Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think I have a ghost that looks just like me that also knows my every move. Everytime I brush my teeth there he is mocking my every move. He knows everything I am about to do from fake punching to moving my lips. it is kinda weird

   i get the feeling that if Herman Cain gets elected, he's gonna call Congress "the cracker box"...a building full of white ppl or "crackers"

   The most awkward part of going to a satanist church is when you get inside and everyone is wearing a snuggy.

   Um, hello Police? I'd like to report a robbery. Somebody stole one of my stats. A stat It's like, a sentence you put on a website. Hello?

   T's Lounge in West Palm Beach, Florida welcomes Octomom, Nadya Suleman July 11th thru 15th for her topless strip show. - from "Us Weekly". Write your own jokes, I'm just warning those of you in Florida about this.

   You know you're talented when you can untangle your headphones in the dark

   Tonight has been brought to you by WTF?

   Dear rest of the world, Piss off then. Plenty of other reading then...good day to you.

   Jesus was the most famous birth ever, but people sure do make a big deal about Panda's too!

   Gas prices = robbery without a gun!

   getting ready to give her sheets some ass & her pillow some head ...good night everybody

   thinking about opening a line of internet cafes on Indian Reservations. I think I will call them.. "The H T Teepee" :)

   If your happy and you know it share your meds, if your happy........

   Bad News: On a test run last night, Santa was sucked into the engine of a Russian military jet & turned into red mist.

   If it wasn't for diarrhea,,, I'd have no rhea at all...

   I want Jimmy Neutron's Brain, Phineas & Ferb's Summer, and Timmy Turner's Goldfish

   Anorexia is nothing to laugh about its extremely tasteless and most people don't have the stomach for it.

   I go to the club and get guys trashed so I can take their girlfriends home.

   southern people are poor and resourceful, ghetto people are poor and rob you

   Wow... My boyfriend deleted me off Facebook last night.. I was single and didnt even know it!