Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backward? He keeps coming and coming and coming.

   The NEW FACEBOOK is just like THE MATRIX MOVIE...luks amazn but no s**t I can understand!!!

   Sitting on the bus and some twat sitting next to me has decided to play vile raggarage on his loud speaker... I'm gonna either headbutt him or just return fire with some pavarotti

   I cut a chunk out of my thumb at work today.HALF-DAY, BOOYAH!

   Growing up, my mother always used to say in a angry voice : jorje finish up your coffee....there are people in Africa sleeping.... jj

   put her trousers on, is having a cup of tea, and should probably think about leaving the house at some point...

   R lass said she dint want much for valentines day, she just wanted some chocolates and a few little surprises. She wasnt that impressed when I turned up with 3 kinder eggs! :-/

   do you th ink its odd for a guy to send a girl digital flowers?

   Internet Beef: When You can sit in a bedroom in Mexico and talk about knockin out somebody in Finland and it will never come back to you.

   Just got my confirmation! I'm on the guest list for Charlie Sheen's Brews, Blow & Hoe's party.

   Censorship makes me sooo (bleeping) angry

   i only drive one kind of stick...and it isnt standard ;)

   Marc Anthony: "Let it rain over me!" R. Kelly: "Are you sure?"

   Dear Jäger I think we need to stop seeing each other...."Maybe we have too much in common.  We are too much alike." If the phone doesn't ring, it's probably me....

   Chapstick should be marketed as making-out lube.

   Just because we don't know what name to call what we are to each other doesn't make what we have any less serious.

   really starting to believe that my bosses 'other car' is a broomstick

   I'm kinda bored...I think I'm gonna go hang this 'No U-Turn' sign in a cul-de-sac somewhere.

   You are the most amazing thing I could ever ask for. I love you with all my heart and I hope you never change again because you are perfect the way you are. You mean the world to me in every single way. Love you FB

   FAST 6 , "The race to the Senior Discount Breakfast at Dennys". The next movie in the outlived Fast & The Furious Saga .