Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

   The music business is always chasing trends. Adele sells millions, so RCA makes Kelly Clarkson gain 80 pounds.

   My buddy who is obsessed with lesbians said, "You can't beat two lesbians doing scissors." I said, "You can if you've rock."

   ██ ████████ ██████ ██████████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ██████████ ██. ███ ███ This comment has been found in violation of H.R. 3261, S.O.P.A and has bee

   My voice is so gay an awkward sounding.. I make it deeper at work on the phone or over the PA system to sound like "one of the guys"

   Gotta love the siri iphone 4. My friend farted in the car and siri new we had pizza..!!

   My cat got a "YOL9x" tattoo across it's stomach.

   By the end of the night...what can you say?......Happy Paint Satricks Day...Ossifer!

   Michael Bay is changing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into aliens?! Doesnt that make them Teenage Alien Intergalactic Ninja Turtles, then? (TAINT)

   So does God now root for the Jets or does he stay loyal to the Broncos?

   Y.O.L.O You Obviously Love Oreos

   I've just had sex the Manchester City way....I stayed on top for ages and still came second.....

   i put a grocery bag on the door when I ain't got no more garbage bags

   oh oh here comes the slutty shorts

   it wrong to tell the person who just used the bathroom ahead of you that they need to see a doctor?

   Whenever I'm smoking in an open space and someone starts coughing like a b1tch, I throw a teargas canister at them and run.

   I have always loved hockey but seriously I'm watch hillbilly Joe from the Kings team talk on TV right now and I just have to know...can't they get their teeth fixed with all that money they make?? Someone needs to use that dental plan!

   've always wondered why W is called Double U, when it's clearly Double V...

   Spain made over 800 passes in last night's game. The only way England could make that many is if we enter Wayne Rooney on Mastermind.

   Spice Girls reunite?!?! We have to ask... Which one would you bang?