Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Usually when a woman cries, it's not just over one thing. It's built up anger and emotions that she has been holding in for far too long.

   GOP strategy last 3 years: Filibuster everything to prevent the economy from recovering, wait for 2012, then ask why the economy is bad.

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile aliens and they demand to see my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   I want a new Drug. One that won't hurt my head. One that won't make my mouth too dry. Or make my eyes too red

   Plane ticket to Vancouver $800, ticket to the gold medal game $2500, Canada breaking the record for the most gold medals won at an olympic games at the exspense of the USA unbelievably frickin PRICELESS!! See you in 4 years SUCKA'S!!!

   Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

   IM SO BAD. I BROKE 3 LAWS LESS THAN 35 SECONDS. I RAN A RED LIGHT, I WAS GOING 60 IN A 45, AND I SAID THE F WORD. #THUG LIFE

   The difference between Obama and Osama is BS.

   BREAKING NEWS Charlie Sheen is upset because someone one else is weining

   Why do fat people wear so much perfume, it hides body odor, not fat.

   What do you call a one leeged Japanese woman Wait for it ...... Irene !!!

   Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

   coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

   I'm not sexist, I'm sexiest, and if I am sexist, then I'm the sexiest sexist.

   Wonders if a cow from china would understand a cow from the US or do they moo different languages?

   I Can't find my phone! Could you call it? Oh wait, it was only in my pocket.. haha got you're Number!"

   I wish I could dance like a black guy. Or have epilepsy. Either way.

   Fat chicks always wanna say "Let me sit on your face". B*tch thats premeditated murder.

   Things happen for no reason. This is why people invent gods.

   I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol