Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd be lying if I said I didn't like Nickelback. I'd also be lying if I said I'd be lying if said I didn't like Nickelback.

   What can a lawyer do that a duck can't? Stick it's bill up it's arse.

   I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his c**k wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

   enjoys looking at your slutty Saturday night bar photos. Get closer, Ladies. Kiss kiss. Cliche cliche. lol

   Why they play football while there is a Vuvuzela concert?This is Rude

   loves to chase his pets with a vacuum cleaner

   really wonders why if Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cared....why did they write a song about him?

   I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am...

   Italicize words to give your status that gangsta lean.

   Mr. Howell's and Gingers' love child

   Prostate awareness day January 12, 2009---Show your color's guys

   stuck on band aids because band aids stick on me.

   Says Anything you Can Do... I Can Do It Better!!!

   wanted to learn how to make ice-cream, so I started attending sundae school.

   i hear you know how to satisfy your wife in bed, yeah,you leave the room.

   The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.

   What to do for Halloween!!! Dress up like Taylor Swift and B**** Slap Kanye

   I say "haha" or "lol" in almost every single text message I write.

   My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

   wondering...If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?