Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It's hard to believe we made it to the top of the food chain given half our limbs are nearly useless...
←Rate | 01-23-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is the main cause of divorce.
←Rate | 01-28-2020 02:48 by Starman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was a whisker away from winning 'Beard of the Year' recently.
←Rate | 01-28-2020 05:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favourite machine at the gym is the television.
←Rate | 02-05-2020 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got gas for $1.99! And no it wasn't at Taco Bell.
←Rate | 02-03-2020 08:01 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing hotter than a bow-legged woman in spandex.
←Rate | 02-21-2020 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Should the person who invented Swiss cheese be referred to as “Your Holiness”?
←Rate | 03-01-2020 07:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you've never seen climate change and peppa pig in the same room have you.
←Rate | 03-01-2020 15:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's amazing that the average person can now be launched into space on a rocket ship, I mean the average person with 20 million dollars to blow.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 14:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My computer jsut asked me to check my virus protection, which one ?
←Rate | 03-12-2020 19:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart just announced that they'll be hiring a hundred thousand new workers and now with any luck maybe they'll open at least more then 2 of their 27 registers.
←Rate | 03-20-2020 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just think of all the things making big money during this. Netflix!, Disney+, Pornhub.
←Rate | 03-20-2020 19:05 by Vaterpop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I built a makeshift barrier at each end of my street to keep the virus out. Someone tore it down and hauled it away. I need to find them and get my bed and sofa back!
←Rate | 03-26-2020 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waxing places are closed, so carpets are growing back. Beauty salons are closed, so the carpets are matching the drapes.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 01:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once in my life I think I found a new diet that really seems to be working for me! That called " I better not eat too much as I'm starting to run low on toilet paper"
←Rate | 03-27-2020 22:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HOUSEWIVES: Save money on expensive gadgets by changing your name to Alexa and obeying random instructions from everyone in your household.
←Rate | 03-29-2020 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had to go to the grocery store to buy some more supplies and couldn't help but notice how clean some people's hands were who smelt like they hadn't showered in weeks.
←Rate | 03-30-2020 22:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the stay at home order in some states, I wonder how soon it will be before we start hearing about people going stir-crazy like Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guy just asked me where a public phone was, I told him 1987.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two key elements to success. 1. Never tell anyone everything you know.
←Rate | 04-11-2020 12:39 Comments (0)  




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