Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello. 
Sometimes when I'm bored I take red and blue M&Ms and walk up to random people...And try too convince them that one of them will get'em out the Matrix.....
I worked like a man yesterday (So I'm whining like one today)
Feminist alright: but excluding opening doors, paying the bill, fight a bully, move furniture, ladies first. If those things aren't done prepare for "oh chivalry is dead & wow, such an Ae-hol!" continued.
🎶Take me down to the Vatican City, Where Donald Trump is mean and the Pope is witty🎶
Trump: I love making people who already hate me hate me more.
''Breaking News ' Randy Travis was arrested at his home today for digging up BONES at a local cemetery
Just wondering, will there be any Transgendered bathrooms at the Republican National Convention this summer?
You always know when random, clean, friendly people come talk to you in the street it's because they want you to join their religion.
The girl I like said yes! She wants to marry me! It's like this gun I'm pointing to her face is magical.
That one password you use for everything and if anyone ever figured it out they could single-handedly ruin your entire life.
Due to his anger issues, trigger finger and his apparent racial hatred...George Zimmerman had been asked by Law Enforcement to avoid all Black Friday events today.
An illiterate man is a dead man walking.
The opening sequence in The Lion King, but me lifting my first beer after work.
If you insist on doing an April Fool's rib today, at least make a child cry.
I'm killing drinks like it's the alcoholocaust.
Kermit the frog puppets sales are up......but that's none of my business tho!
"I Love You just the Way You Are" is the best compliment ever.
Great canned tuna fish recipe: 1-Open can of tuna fish 2-Sit can on floor 3-Yell; kitty, kitty, kitty. 4: Now, go order a pizza.
If you want to get into a race debate, OK, I'll start one.... Why is Tony Stewart allowed back in NASCAR? 