Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After several experiments I've determined it's impossible to overdose on cheese

   2011's hot new toy is "Outsource-Me Elmo," which comes in an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.

   Death is like transferring schools. You hate to say goodbye to the precious people here, but after you move, you will meet some great people on the other side.

   I think I've had enough of the Christmas Spirit. The room is starting to spin...

   enjoys long, romantic walks to my fridge!

   As much as I get poked, you think I'd be FB pregant by now.

   Welcome to Facebook Timeline....Ended at midnight 31 December 2011

   Me without you is LIKE Facebook without friends, Youtube without videos, Movie without music and Google with no results.

   When I think of you, I dont think of tomrow, I think of forever.

   The oldest written recipe is for beer. Even when most people couldn't read or write, they knew they had to mark that down somehow.

   If normal is a relative term, then why aren't my relatives normal?

   read that there were dozens of accidents in NYC the last few days, and that was just on the set of the new Spiderman play.

   What kills me is the say the birds and fish in Arkansas all died simultaneously due to stress...What stress, do they over due bills to pay or something??

   yes I do have a sence of humour and I have a certificate to prove it.... my marriage certificate!!!

   I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom.

   thinks the BP executive management team that's responsible for the day to day running of the company should be the ones cleaning the oil spill!

   playing his oompa loompa flute while wrapped in a snuggy

   going to need a whole lot of money to buy those New Years Resolutions.

   it was all good just a week ago.

   John Terry explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.