Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it's so annoying when the person you're talking to goes on and on and on and on and on and on...

   Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.

   I don't know her; it means I don't know if she's more miserable than me or not.

   I have slowly gotten every single person that I went to highschool w to unfollow me. Kinda reminds me of my actual highschool experience...

   The thought of you makes me clench my thighs......hard.

   I'm the Michael Jordan of all sports, because I haven't played any since like 2003.

   Holiday Shoppers are rude and dangerous......Unless I wear a suit and say I am a lawyer!

   The number one rule when you are broke is to stop talking about being broke. Nobody wants you taking out your harmonica and singing the blues every time they talk to you.

   My idea of the perfect workout is not working out.

   I fought the law...And the Law won - Mike Brown

   If you swap five copperheads for a rattlesnake, your kids still won't be any safer in the yard. Same with terrorists and traitors.....

   wondering if the hokey pokey is what it's all about

   B.I.B.L.E = BASIC INSTUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH!

   still can't believe there are Obama supporters out there.

   "trying to find a better ""status""... "

   "Obamacare, you may as well have Michael Jackson's personal physician tuck you in at night" ~ Dennis Miller

   Happy MLK day! In honor, I'm gonna start the day with a bowl of chocolate milk, and cocoa puffs.

   just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident!!!

   it just me, or does cocaine smell really, really good?

   I may be dumb, but at least I'm not "waiting for March 4th where Trump will be definitely be president again" dumb.