Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 163 of 6389
I went to a wedding last night and they played “The Twist” so I twisted, next they played “Jump around “ so I jumped around. Next they played “Come on Eileen “ I think you know where this is going.
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09-21-2018 23:06 by Meh!
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Japan has built humanoid robots to do construction work. The robots are so human like that they have three reports of sexual harassment.
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10-04-2018 05:32 by Haha
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Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.
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10-05-2018 16:35 by Haha
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KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal Me: Family?
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10-21-2018 06:32
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Just once, I'd like to see a judge
take the verdict slip from the jury,
look at it, and then turn and say,
"ARE YOU SHlT'N ME?!"
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10-23-2018 08:57
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I have an electric stove, but I prefer acoustic. The proceeding random thought was for all my musician friends........
"I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there
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10-12-2016 21:13 by Aaron
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my great great grandfather: I cleared 40 acres by hand and grew food to feed people. My father: I fought WWII and ended the horror. Me: I think $9.99/month might be too much for Spotify.
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10-22-2017 21:21
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Justin Bieber getting tats is like putting racing stripes on a moped.
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10-23-2017 12:21
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Question for the 84 year old widow who just won the Mega Millions jackpot: Sup, girl?
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01-06-2018 13:41
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I've gotten to the age where if I see a coin lying on the ground I figure anything less that a quarter isn't worth the aches and pains of leaning over to pick it up.
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01-08-2018 09:34
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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
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01-08-2018 17:44
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Today my yoga teacher was really drunk, which put me in an awkward position.
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01-22-2018 23:52
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I think my dog needs training school because he rudely yawned in the middle of my stories.
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01-28-2018 20:03 by markf
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I'm still young at heart. The problem is, the rest of me is old.
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01-30-2018 09:31
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Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic's, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
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02-09-2018 17:08 by MDS
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I'm so old, that I stopped buying green bananas.
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02-24-2018 23:34 by Jake
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The last scene in Titanic with Jack and Rose wasted so many opportunities for a good knock-knock joke
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02-26-2018 14:10 by markf
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Most of my life goals don’t even include me in them.
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03-05-2018 10:34
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My wife is a teacher. If they issue her a gun I will be dead by Thursday.
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03-06-2018 12:14
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