Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   KFC has teamed up with scientists in the U.K. to create edible coffee cups made with cookies and wrapped in sugar. It's perfect if you've ever wanted to wake up and give up at the same time.

   filled the lip gloss with crazy glue, it is gonna be a quiet and peaceful week for sure.

   your first Baby's father doesnt count. that was just checking if you can have kids

   Dear R.Kelly you have no idea how much trouble Urine

   Okay buddy if you want to sit behind me and honk your horn for waving someone ahead of me at four-way stop sign then I think I'll do the polite thing and wave the next five cars on while I update my current status.

   Somebody clearly missed the opportunity of a lifetime when they called the game Mario Kart instead of Mario Speedwagon.

   When you work hard, save your money, go out and buy that expensive thing you've always wanted, then your lazy friend says "Must be nice."

   Did I miss the grammys again! darn that makes like 10 years in a row.

   Going forward, they now be called the New England PayForIts.

   So a robot can't figure out which of these pitcures contain a stop sign but anyway we are letting them drive big trucks?

   A fun thing to do is to call someone & say "HI THIS IS BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO YOUR VHS RENTAL OF NEW JACK CITY IS 1,382 DAYS PAST DUE"

   So PETA is putting down pet cats and recruiting hot babes to protest naked...I guess I need to take the protest against them to a new level.

   How the HELL did a generation raised on South Park and Family Guy become so offended by everything?

   At a blood bank, a nurse extracts the blood. Wouldn't it be nice if the nurse at the sperm bank did the extractions too?

   Had an absolutely amazing dream last night I feel could change mine and quite possibly millions of other people's lifes forever! if I could just remember what it was about?

   If you think about it, a boxing match is really just someone trying to count to 10 but they're constantly being interrupted by a fistfight between two other people.

   'Sometimes, being hurt too many times, doesn't make you stronger, it destroy who you were, who you wanted to be and makes who you are today.''

   Whenever I see someone I don't know wearing what look like pajamas in public I always wonder, have they completely given up on life or are they living it to the fullest!?

   Somewhere at this moment there is a masseuse with a ring from Super Bowl XXXVI walking into a Pawn Shop.

   Remix to conviction.. hot and ready for prison..R. Kelly