Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering why noses run and feet smell?

   the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.

   your "sofa king we todd did"

   wishes Carrie Prejean would stop sending me video tapes...I told her it is over.

   says When you go to the drug store to buy condoms, ask them where the fitting room is

   Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me?

   Only Robinson Crusoe had ever everything done by Friday.

   badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom!

   i made a starteling discovery this morning, apparently someone broke into my house last night and stole my "baggie" jeans from last year and replaced them with "skinny" jeans

   The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

   What did that nurse say? Brain damage? F**k I was born during an earthquake.

   switching up on you ordinary b!tchesss.

   I am perfection in the realm of understanding without comprehension in the abyss of normality.

   am no gynaecologist but am gonna look anyway!!!!!

   there sure is going to be a lot of people losing their virginity in the year 2012.

   Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

   "I" before "E" except after "C"...... WEIRD...

   does not know that the bird is the word.

   W.T.F. - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...the weekend's almost here!!

   Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy marshmallows, which are kinda the same thing.