Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon life has no remote.change it yourself
←Rate | 07-18-2010 02:43 by hamiisi Comments (1)  


   messageicon Next time you shake someones hand, keep in mind that that is probably the hand they masturbate with...
←Rate | 07-18-2010 01:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so glad he can't get anyone pregnant from poking all these lovely ladies on fb...he hopes! O.o
←Rate | 07-18-2010 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why when you wanna break up you hear this "u will never find someone like me?" NO Serious do you think that I leave you For being with someone like u????!
←Rate | 07-18-2010 00:36 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula you pansies!!!!
←Rate | 07-17-2010 23:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So many things remind me of You, mostly when I sit on the toilet.
←Rate | 07-17-2010 23:35 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only thing that keeps water from being a ho is the 2
←Rate | 07-17-2010 22:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon walked past the fridge last night and thought she heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song but when she opened the fridge door it was just chives talking.
←Rate | 07-17-2010 21:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband asked for breakfast in bed so I told him sleep in the kitchen ;)
←Rate | 07-17-2010 21:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon downhill. Because thats how I roll!
←Rate | 07-17-2010 21:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in a related story, I have two brothers, two nieces, several cousins, aunts and uncles.
←Rate | 07-17-2010 20:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Utlimate compliment for a woman: I'm not drunk, and you are still cute!
←Rate | 07-17-2010 18:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why be so serious ? It's not like we're going to get out of it alive. so livin up fu(kers. an make it a great day for someone
←Rate | 07-17-2010 17:39 by glenn Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet you're one of those people who take speed limit signs seriously.
←Rate | 07-17-2010 15:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - "open bar"
←Rate | 07-17-2010 15:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarah Palin was paid 75,000 dollars for a speech at a California university last week. That works out to be about 25,000 dollars per coherent sentence.
←Rate | 07-17-2010 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a friend will calm you down when you're angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing "someone's gonna get it!"
←Rate | 07-17-2010 15:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything
←Rate | 07-17-2010 15:18 by energypositive Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎- My missus was so sick this morning........That I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast....
←Rate | 07-17-2010 14:22 by Y.P Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like the Summertime. But What I like the most is Women, Video Games, Pizza and Beer. So if I get all of those at the same time, then I've pretty much found my Center in the Sun."
←Rate | 07-17-2010 13:43 by Dylan Comments (0)  




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