Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5821 of 6446

went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but couldn't find any
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07-23-2010 01:46 by catdish
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If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.... thats why I don't talk to you =P
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07-23-2010 01:43
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used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
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07-23-2010 01:35 by catdish
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Police discovered the body of a local cartoonist this morning. Details are a bit sketchy.
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07-23-2010 01:34 by kittykat
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ran over an old guy's guide dog today. Lucky for me there were no witnesses.
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07-23-2010 01:32 by kittykat
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approached a woman at a bar last night and asked her what she is looking for in a relationship. She yelled, "Security!".
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07-23-2010 01:32 by scottyboy
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My boss didn't know I drank, until one day I came to work sober.
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07-23-2010 01:30 by kittykat
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thinks that a perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children
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07-23-2010 01:29 by catdish
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The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
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07-23-2010 01:29 by catdish
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Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...and you'll never land a job working for a women's magazine.
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07-23-2010 01:28 by catdish
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thinks that nutritional information should simply tell you the amount of exercise required to burn off whatever it is you're about to consume.
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07-23-2010 01:27 by catdish
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thinks there's no substitute for research quite like making sh*t up.
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07-23-2010 01:27 by catdish
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can't wait until Weight Watchers releases its own line of booze
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07-23-2010 01:26 by catdish
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a totally down-to-earth chick because, you know...gravity.
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07-23-2010 01:25 by catdish
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laying beside a dead deer in a santa suit
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07-23-2010 01:25
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was so depressed last night that I called Lifeline. I got through to a call centre in Afghanistan. I told them I was suicidal - they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
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07-23-2010 01:24 by catdish
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Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets
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07-23-2010 01:24 by catdish
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was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger...and then it hit me

just two away from a threesome

Computer games don't effect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected kids, we'll all be around darkened rooms munching magic pills, listening to repetitive electronic music.
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07-23-2010 00:45 by savio
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