Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5753 of 6374
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New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!
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07-22-2010 12:15
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how come vehicle start to break down as soon as you pay them off... Do manufactures click a botton or something???
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St. Anthony just asked me if I have seen his keys...
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07-22-2010 10:31 by geez
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I'm in line at "the dollar tree" and a woman grabs a pregnancy test from the "impulse buy" section at the register. Who see's this in line, and thinks..."hey, I could use this for a buck" Your thoughts? Concerns?
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07-22-2010 10:09 by Robs0776
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Snap! Crackle! F*ck!? Did I just put something metal in the microwave?
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07-22-2010 09:51 by Leeferd
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I want you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!
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07-22-2010 09:30
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wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.
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07-22-2010 09:28 by Leeferd
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Those that are often disgusted by others are usually most disgusted with themselves. But will rarely admit it.
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07-22-2010 09:26 by Gr~Apes
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Wishing I knew all my Facebook friends....Some seem pretty cool...Sure hope I meet them someday....
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Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something interesting out of myself
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07-22-2010 08:52
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its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!
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07-22-2010 08:47 by Tracy
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wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?
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07-22-2010 07:58
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According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...
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07-22-2010 07:55
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Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)
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07-22-2010 07:51
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wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
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07-22-2010 07:14 by Leeferd
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hates when I wake up late for work and get ready in a hurry, then you realize its your day off. : (
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07-22-2010 06:51 by L
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Acting as if today is Saturday. Going to work unshaved, no shower, in shorts and a T, full cooler of beer as my brief case, and the attitude of "don't bother me, it's Saturday".
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07-22-2010 06:14
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Meanwhile, at the BP command center ... *cricket* *Cricket*
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07-22-2010 03:51
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She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head!
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07-22-2010 01:34 by TeeWuu
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as confused as a hungry infant in a topless bar.