Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5703 of 6384
Signs you're getting old. Trying to save something on your computer and you can't remember where you put the floppy disks.
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08-14-2010 17:26
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Has anyone checked on Tupac lately? He hasn't put out a posthumous album in quite a few years.
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08-14-2010 16:58 by Tom
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Having correctly predicted the vampire craze, I now boldly predict the next pop culture phenomenon. Butlers.
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08-14-2010 16:56 by Tom
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The price of gold is at an all-time high. If I were a young rap artist, I think I'd ride out the storm in graduate school.
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08-14-2010 16:55 by Tom
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I'll bet if Andy Capp's wife took that stupid rag off her head and dolled herself up a bit, maybe he wouldnt have to get drunk all the time...
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08-14-2010 16:53 by Tom
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Wife: I wish I was newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day. Husband:I too wish that you were newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday.
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08-14-2010 15:13
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To prevent injuring your thumb while hammering,have your wife hold the nails.
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08-14-2010 15:01 by deadmau5
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Never entrust your life to a surgeon who has more than two band -aids on his fingers
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08-14-2010 14:58
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Happy Independence Day to all Indians out here...Married Men may ignore this message :-)
I was a little disappointed in my morning.. the crayon said peach.. but it sure didn't taste like peach!
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08-14-2010 12:55 by Jeff
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Realized there is a fine line between a true friend and a fake, two faced back stabber who cares only about his/her self.
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08-14-2010 12:50
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Friends who befriend me can't be a friend in the first place now can they.
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08-14-2010 12:41
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Firefights recently rescued 2 men from an industrial clothes dryer. The men were listed in stable condition but missing one sock.
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08-14-2010 12:19
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wants to be in a relationship with Captain Morgan and live on Parrot Bay
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08-14-2010 12:02
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A man walked into a library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian said, "F* off, you won't bring it back!"
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08-14-2010 10:25
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Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.
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08-14-2010 10:03 by Jeff
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thinks, nobody has interest in knowing what brand you wearing in.. so guys PULL YOUR PANTS UP !!!
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08-14-2010 09:17 by Soneyooo
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"Real men actually spend time away from their computers." Yeah... that's because they're avoiding you.
dear local weatherman if its 92° and feels like 102° then guess what dumbass? its 102°
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08-14-2010 08:02
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Saw some guy walking in the field behind the house last night wearing an old hockey mask and carrying a machete. He wandered into the woods. Hope he found his way home. Poor fella.
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08-14-2010 07:56
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