Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5644 of 6384
You can't turn a ho into a housewife unless you're playing Scrabble.
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09-05-2010 14:40 by ANGELA
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Drown in your blood or live in your sht
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09-05-2010 14:38 by Zack
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When love is not madness... it is not love.
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09-05-2010 14:36 by Zack
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i think next time I'm out drinkin I'm gunna pull the label of my last beer and stick it on my shoulder just in case I get pulled over... that way I can say "no I havent officer, I'm on the patch"
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09-05-2010 14:25
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USA & UK... Two countries standing side by side fighting the terrorist!!!!
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09-05-2010 11:57 by USUK
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I still can't believe it! It does exist! Yes, just read that actually there is a place called "Canadian Hurricane Center"! Honest!
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09-05-2010 11:52 by Tonzio
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relationship status as changed from " It's complicated " to "is in a relationship but the wife doesn't know"
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09-05-2010 11:43
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hates having friend requests off faceless girls. Its called facebook for a reason you stupid splitarse! And that faceless pic looks like Darth Vader. Who wants 2 be friends with Darth Vader?!!
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09-05-2010 11:21
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When I'm done using a unisex bathroom I leave the seat halfway up....never know who is coming in after me
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09-05-2010 09:59 by JMc
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A man walks into a bar. He says to the bartender..... "Ow".
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09-05-2010 05:09 by Zack
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If zombie's were dyslexic everyone named Brian would be in trouble
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09-05-2010 05:04 by Zack
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Every time you lick a 9 volt, battery, you lick every person that's licked that 9 volt battery.
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09-05-2010 05:01 by Zack
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Sure, I've got buns of steel. Just look in the breadbox.
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09-04-2010 23:53 by Aaron
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If god is a dj, life is a dancefloor, love is a rhythm, you are the music, you get what you are given it's all how you use it and god wants you to shake your ass!
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09-04-2010 23:23
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It may be surprising to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can't say you weren't warned just how hungry they were.
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09-04-2010 22:51
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Dogs see that their owner provides them with food, shelter and caters to their every need and they think "He must be God." Cats see that their owner provides them with food, shelter and caters to their every need and they think "I must be God."
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09-04-2010 20:49
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The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.
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09-04-2010 19:58
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Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.
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09-04-2010 19:57
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needs some fresh air and regrets the decision to let the cat lick up the spilled Fiber One yogurt.
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09-04-2010 18:27 by Tim
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I think the world would be way cooler if we would have domesticated the bear instead the horse. Oh you pranced around, jumped a stick and ate some hay? Big deal, my bear just ate a hobo, paw'd a bee hive then roared so hard deaf people heard it.
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09-04-2010 18:19
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