Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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We celebrate Labor Day by not working. Which is kind of like celebrating Arbor Day by paving the backyard.
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09-06-2010 12:16 by Aaron
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I Don't Care what anybody says, Nothing says I Love you more like standing in line for you're girl to buy tampax pearl."
I just got in a car accident while reading a sign telling me to keep my eyes on the road.
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09-06-2010 11:30
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A watched pot never boils. But an unwatched pot boils dry and burns. Is there a happy medium?
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09-06-2010 11:29 by MBH
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The best don't-drink-and-drive message ever would be if the Budweiser blimp crashed into the Goodyear blimp during a game.
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09-06-2010 11:27 by MBH
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Hey!!! It's a "pedestrian crosswalk" you douche, not a "leap in front of my car like a freaking maniac walk!"
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09-06-2010 11:26
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OMG, you just lied and your pants really are on fire.
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09-06-2010 11:25
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Should I pick you up for breakfast? or just roll over and kiss you good morning?
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09-06-2010 10:38
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wonders what the guy who found out what milk was, was doing to the cow.
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09-06-2010 10:27
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wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac
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09-06-2010 08:45
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thinking they need to rename 'Dancing with the Stars' to 'Dancing with the National Enquirer.'
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09-06-2010 08:40 by markf
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Did you ever actually think about what you did, while sitting in the corner as a kid? I was planning my revenge for the punishment!
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09-06-2010 08:12
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I would like to wish a happy Labor Day to all the mother out there.
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09-06-2010 08:10
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Labor Day was canceled because too many people couldn't remember what it was like to have a job :)
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09-06-2010 08:04
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I am strong coz I have been weak, I am beautiful coz I know my flaws, I am a lover coz I am a fighter, I am fearless coz I have been afraid. I am wise coz I have been foolish & I can laugh coz I have also known sadnes, I know my past yet I can c my future
It's pretty hard not to scratch when you're playing pocket pool.
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09-06-2010 06:31 by Leeferd
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you know your getting old when respond to you with, "Really! At your age?!?"
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09-06-2010 02:39
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Dear chicken, please cook yourself and jump into my mouth. thank you
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09-06-2010 01:14 by Zack
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Some images contained herein may not be appropriate for all ages. Viewer discretion advised.
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09-06-2010 01:04
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Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?To buy an iPatch!
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09-06-2010 00:18
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