Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5636 of 6384
I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.
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09-08-2010 15:22 by jdpower
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Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.
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09-08-2010 15:20 by jdpower
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Craigslist removed its' "Adult Services"section. Headline should read, "No one to ever use Craigslist again".
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09-08-2010 15:20 by jdpower
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If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
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09-08-2010 15:19 by jdpower
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Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".
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09-08-2010 15:17 by jdpower
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I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.
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09-08-2010 15:17 by jdpower
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My therapist told me that whenever I'm panicking or involved in a serious situation; the best solution is to take deep breaths.... Ok... Now what if I'm drowning?...
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09-08-2010 12:44
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has decided not to call them BRAs from now on and instead refer to them as BOOBIE TRAPS! coz it just sounds more fun to say
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09-08-2010 12:16
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Does this rag smell like Chloroform?
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09-08-2010 11:56 by Tyler
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Great door signs: Gynecologist: Dr Jones at your cervix. Septic tank truck: Yesterday's meals on wheels. Plumber's office: We repair what ur husband fixed. Tire shop: Invite us to ur next blowout. Electrical shop: Let us remove ur shorts.
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09-08-2010 11:53
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Dance like the photo's not being tagged, Love like you've never been unfriended, Status Update like nobody's following.
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09-08-2010 11:46
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Walk a mile in my shoes... Then walk another mile... In fact, just keep the shoes and keep walking.
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09-08-2010 11:45
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This day would have started better if one of you had brought me coffee in bed.
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09-08-2010 11:43
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I wonder if anyone else feels like their life is a series of bloopers and outtakes.
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09-08-2010 11:42
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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09-08-2010 11:41
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after watching the Maryland/Navy game, I have to say that I am a little concerned about national security. I mean, the armed forces should be able to strategize better than anyone, right?!?
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09-08-2010 11:02
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I dream of the day that I can put my true strengths on my resume and these skills be appreciated. "So I see here you're a bird's eye shot with a rubberband and can pluck a fly out of the air with your bare hands. You Sir, are what we called hired!"
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09-08-2010 10:24
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There's no sexual Carfax report. This seems like something we should be working on. It would take online dating to a whole new level.
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09-08-2010 10:22
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During a job interview, when I get asked what my weaknesses are, I always want to say "Beautiful blondes and whiskey."
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09-08-2010 10:21
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You know your friends are starting to mature when you wake up on a random couch after a crazy house party and there's no d!ck drawn on your face.
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09-08-2010 10:12
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