Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5627 of 6384
With great power comes a great electric bill.
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09-12-2010 17:50 by Zack
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a jukebox hero with stars in his eyes
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09-12-2010 17:44 by Nitsua
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A hangover will occupy a head that wasn't used the night before.
Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?
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09-12-2010 16:27 by Aaron
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Friends touching each other inappropriately makes me a sad panda
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09-12-2010 16:16 by Zack
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Google Uranus
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09-12-2010 15:26
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had to tell a friend I needed to reschedule today's activities due to FB Season starting...she texted me back.." What the hell is Facebook Season"...lol happy Sunday..smile
Movie characters are always so badass. If they wake up mysteriously in a hospital alone and beaten up, they just rip the IV right out their arm and slip past the nurses. I would at least want to see my chart first, and maybe get some juice.
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09-12-2010 14:43
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Curiosity leads to education; education to knowledge; knowledge to understanding; understanding to tolerance; tolerance to peace.
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09-12-2010 14:35 by Debra K
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Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
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09-12-2010 14:33
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I think we all have that look perfected that says, "I am paying attention and appear interested in what you are saying", when my brain is really thinking about stuff like pancakes, tv shows, and leaving work early.
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09-12-2010 14:23
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wrote a letter to my love, and on my way I caught him, kicked him in his special place, and shoved it in his pocket! goodbye cheater
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09-12-2010 14:22
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Why does everyone insist on asking, "You ok?" after you hurt yourself? No I'm not f*cking OK. Can you not sense my agony?
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09-12-2010 14:20
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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal.
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09-12-2010 14:19
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I love it when people say they haven't evacuated during a hurricane because they had to protect their homes. Who the hell do they think they are? Superman?
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09-12-2010 14:18
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If I can smell my water, I don't want it.
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09-12-2010 13:52
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Nobody says “long story short” unless it's already too late…
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09-12-2010 13:38
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Sometimes, I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
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09-12-2010 13:32
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I'm going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly an idiot.
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09-12-2010 13:31
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I don't know why people complain about wanting more hours in the day. If I had more hours I'd have to get more creative about how I waste them.
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09-12-2010 13:30
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