Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   sometimes You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

   If he was stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go

   you move on because theres nothing else you can do

   I never understood why guys always have their hands down their pants. Then last night I found myself watching TV with my hand in my bra. It finally occurred to me...when you've got something great, you want to hold onto it.

   My mom thinks LOL stands for "Lots Of Love" and texted me "Your Grandma just died. LOL"

   damn wish I didnt take things to literally all the time went to friendly's and the waitress asked if I would like a happy ending

   need advice on how to make a paper cut to the jugular look like an accident.

   I hate rich people who think they are above and better than the poor and middle class,hey people when your gone they'll use manure on your grave just like mine

   so the truth come out of its eerie inhabitants

   killing 1 bird with 2 stones

   i guess its better to be picking daisies than pushing them up

   It's not that I don't like men..Its just that I think they should drink from separate water fountains..

   What's the diference between a woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side.

   A$$ ICONS: (_!_) - Regular A$$ ; (__!__) - Fat A$$ ; ( ! ) - Tight A$$ ; (_*_) - Sore A$$ ; (_o_) - Well used A$$ ; (_e=mc²_) - Smart A$$ !!!!! :D

   Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like Open bars... I could really use a drink right now...

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   wants every ending to be a HAPPY ending ! :-D

   has multiple personality disorder and so do i

   Divorce attorney: $3,500. Mediator fees: $575. Court costs: $130. Finally being legally and financially free from that former 'significant other': PRICELESS!

   what's the difference between a women with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick