Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Think I got my Halloween costume.... SNOOKIE! I'll wear clothes 5 sizes too small, paint my body Umpa Loompa Orange, walk around half naked, drunk and screaming "Do you know who I am?!? I'm Snookie Biotch!"

←Rate | 10-13-2010 09:05 by Donna Comments (0)

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. ;)

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:39 Comments (0)

Today's word of advice: Never take a muscle relaxer if you've got the trots.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:38 by Leeferd Comments (0)

All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.

129

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying ba$stards.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

Fortune Cookie: "Your life will be happy and peaceful." Dear Cookie: What drugs are you on? We should share.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.

185

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

If Superman is so smart, why is his underwear on the outside?

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:29 Comments (0)

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

As the first chilean miner came to the surface he was quick to celebrate his 'rock paper scissors' championship 2010.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:27 Comments (0)

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

Getting a girl off is like a game of Marco Polo. The louder she gets, the closer you are. Wandering in the other direction is just counterproductive.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:08 Comments (0)

Big... Powerful... Makes the ladies scream... Lasts for an hour. No wonder women love Oprah so much.

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:06 Comments (0)

Just once on Undercover Boss, I'd like to see one of the lower level employees just go, "Yeah, pretty much all I do all day is scrw around on Facebook and play Bubbleshooter. Also, our CEO is a d!ck."

←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:03 Comments (0)

Damn! Why did Friday the 13th have to be today...it's only the middle of the week!

←Rate | 10-13-2010 06:17 Comments (0)

wondering why, if midnight snacks are banned, why is there a light in the fridge?

←Rate | 10-13-2010 04:45 Comments (0)

God Bless the Chilian miners and there familes for going through tough times!!

←Rate | 10-13-2010 04:41 Comments (9)

treat everyone as you would like to be treated... except in bed, "that" could be illegal in some countries or religions!