Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ladies, pay attention ... sperm is made up of anger, stress, and anxiety ... best way to keep a man happy is to rid them of this negativity ... regularly!!!

   Wanna know why god invented the womens belly button? So you have a place to put your gum on the way down!

   Random thought: Ed Hardy shirts are the new sweatpants; wearing them in public means you've given up on life.

   People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

   outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country

   the doctor x-rayed my head an found nothng...

   ....and now the sequence of events in no particular order

   i think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a women

   RELATIONSHIP: A bond between two people; One person works to create/maintain love and fufillment while the other person waits for something better to come along....:(

   **best way to be noticed in a bank** EVERYBODY FREEZE!....did anybody else feel that earthquake?

   says, "Hello Monday..." the same way Jerry Seinfeld says, "Hello Newman..."

   MMMmmmm just saw an ad for the New Playstation "Move".......... looks amazingly like Wii........ 3 years later...Way to stay on top of your game there Sony... just like coming out with your MP3 player after the I-Pod.....

   Just remember the knight in shining armor just might be an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.

   wonders if there is a manly way to eat a banana??

   Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license.

   You did WHAT?? With WHO?? Behind WHAT barn?? For how many COOKIES!?!?

   Trust me, if I want your opinion-I'll remove the f*cking duct tape.

   Good morning Monday...now get outta my face!

   would like to live the life of a Bachelorette.. you know, date multiple guys and have them all be OK with it.. :0/

   if you think being weak is meak, try being meak for a week