Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5579 of 6384
There is nothing like bringing the log to the beaver first thing in the morning.
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09-29-2010 06:48
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knows it is a sure sign of Autumn, when the Tea Party Witch, Christine O'Donnell from Delaware, makes chowder in her cauldron.
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09-29-2010 04:29
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Barn raising,Frontierville,and Farm town have turned seemily well to do people in to beggars
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09-29-2010 00:48 by gr~Apes
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Dreams touch your heart and soul, it is a magical memory that unites fantasy and reality.....Welcome aboard to “Sweet Dreams” airline, All passengers on bed hug ur pillows, as the flight will be leaving soon to dream land. Enjoy your flight…“Good
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09-29-2010 00:38 by gr`Apes
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Why do I happen to wear black when I'm eating powdered donuts. Dammit.
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09-29-2010 00:19
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When outdoors use the buddy system... if a wild animal approaches push your buddy toward it and run like hell
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09-28-2010 23:46
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Stay strong; the best things in life are worth fighting for.
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09-28-2010 23:29 by BEGO
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I don't get jealous when I see my ex with someone new, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to someone less fortunate
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09-28-2010 23:13 by BEGO
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Do not be sad if people preferred another one on you .. It's hard to convince the monkey that strawberries sweeter than bananas
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09-28-2010 23:10 by BEGO
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its better to lose a lover then to love a loser
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09-28-2010 23:09 by BEGO
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OK Girls sorry to say this but Sometimes your knight in shining armor Guy is actually a dumb ass in aluminum foil.
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09-28-2010 23:03 by BEGO
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Women and cats will do as they damn well please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to it
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09-28-2010 22:14
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Let's play a game. Shuffle your music playlist. Skip the the 7th song. Write the first few lyrics, then the last name/one of the words from the band's name. Then write the track length. Congratulations, you've created your own bible verse.
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09-28-2010 21:45
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My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.
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09-28-2010 21:15 by Aaron
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AHHHH-CHOO!!!........٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶....If you are allergic to bullcrap, drama queens, head games, liars, two-faced fake people, keep this sneeze going.....
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09-28-2010 20:58
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watching The Biggest Loser. I'd really love to be on that show. Not so much to lose weight.. but just to have Jillian ride me like a donkey while talking dirty to me.. Yeahh baby!
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09-28-2010 20:51
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Not the time to lose one's head. That's not the way to get ahead in life. It's a shame you arent't more headstrong. You'll never be the head of a major corporation.
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09-28-2010 20:32
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"Did you hear that" - Hellen Keller
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09-28-2010 20:23
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"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be heard or touched, they must be seen"- Stevie Wonder
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09-28-2010 20:21
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Wondering if the inventor or "crotchless panites" was thinking "Outside the box"
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09-28-2010 19:38 by Tom
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