Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5575 of 6384
I was shopping online and saw a horse that I rather liked. So I clicked "Add to cart."
Going to hang out at Wal-Mart for a bit so I can feel better about myself.
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09-30-2010 13:43 by Michael
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cocaine: is actually a rich man's aspirin
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09-30-2010 13:25
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I got a flu shot for $24 from Target However, I declined the offer of a $50 colonoscopy in the men's room.
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09-30-2010 13:08 by jimboleem
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KARMA: Smackdown of the Gods!
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09-30-2010 12:59
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the walls have eyes...
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09-30-2010 12:14
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A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
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09-30-2010 10:55 by Aaron
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF
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09-30-2010 10:43
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finds it helpful to organize chores into categories: Things I won't Do Now, Things I Won't Do Later, and Things I'll Never Do.
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09-30-2010 10:40
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wishes McDonalds delivered!
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09-30-2010 09:26
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<---------------------was dumped on Facebook!
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09-30-2010 09:13
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wonders if birds have a national MAYDAY sytem in place when they know their going to crash?!?!
wishes you were an Etch and Sketch. I'd shake the sh!t out of you and watch you disappear.
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09-30-2010 08:02
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life is such a fkn rollercoaster then it drops, but what should I scream for? this is my theme park. my mind shine even when my thoughts seem dark.
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09-30-2010 05:38 by sam rabee
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YAY! I just won Australia's Next Top Model.... no wait, they was a mistake? How could this happen?
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09-30-2010 04:03
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Blame someone else and get on with your life.
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09-30-2010 01:59
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thinks it's inappropriate for Sea World to have a seafood restaurant.
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09-30-2010 01:33
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Behind every successfull woman... is a man checking out at her ass!
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09-30-2010 01:21
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In every successful relationship the MAN always has the last word - "Yes Dear."
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09-30-2010 01:20
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hates that kids complain about video games for "Loading"... Back in my day we had to blow the sh*t out of games just to play'em and even then it was a gamble to work. So kids, Shut up!"