Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

   No word in the English language rhymes with month.

   "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"

   The Only Gracious Way To Accept An Insult Is To Ignore It. If You Can't Ignore It, Top It. If You Can't Top It, Laugh At It. If You Can't Laugh At It, It's Probably Deserved. ;)

   Why Is It That People Always Point At Their Wrists When Asking For The Time? Do They Think I Don't Know Where My Watch Is?

   I know there are boy ladybugs, but what do you call them?

   I left my cross-eyed girlfriend today. The b*tch was seeing someone else.

   Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

   Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

   We No Speak Americano, we speak Canadiano

   It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

   Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

   Why don't YOU watch where I'm going?

   If I were you, I'd get a red nose and some big shoes and call it a day.

   Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby D*ck!

   It's alright, he's only choking!

   Unless you want to f*ck me, why do you care what I look like?

   How do I set the laser printer to stun?

   I have a computer, a vibrator and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

   If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.