Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My opponent Cindy wants to kill you and your family... the 3 good things about her though is 1) She has nice hair 2) She has a nice smile 3) She likes the outdoors

   if you can't beat 'em............RUN

   Dear Political Candidate, if you are going to enter our home via media, you need to follow our house rule #3: "Every time you say something negative about you brother, you must say three good things about him." My name is Cindy & I approve this status.

   According to Time mag...we may be interpretng the Mayan calendar incorrectly. Damn...you know what this means...at least one more month of an Obama presidency. How depressing!!!

   You should do this, you should do that...how bout you jus be happy I even listen to your suggestions! 

   It is difficult to be stupid... competition is huge...

   I throw my can up in the air sometimes saying AYO where out of beer YO..

   traveling deep into Mordor and picking up the kid's from Sauron's house.

   Women are like beer, some go down better then others..

   So high, God told me to get off his roof.

   Don't ya hate it when ya interrupted during dinner!! Lady from the Sperm Bank just knocked asking for donations!! Boy, did I give her a mouthful!!

   if a full moon makes you crazy, you were a crazy biotch to start with!

   says If two morons fall in love I could care less, but for the love of God please DON'T reproduce and make more of you. There are enough idiots in this world without you making more.

   I no-longer have magazines in my washroom, I got my phone to mess around with instead

   What color does a smurf go when you choke it ?

   "Careful with fire" is good advice we know. "Careful with words" is ten times doubly so

   Few women admit their age; few men act it.....

   Everything happens for a reason... Just know that God places people in your life for a reason and will let you know what that reason is when it is time! ♥

   The closest I come to cooking with gas is when I break wind while frying a steak

   - Wayne Rooney and Alex Ferguson have changed their relationship status to 'its complicated'... Manchester city 'like this'