Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does anyone have a clean slate to spare... I'm all out.

   buying illegal things on the internet.

   Diarrhoea; the gay guys' period

   ̿ ̿̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\=(•̪●)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ Say Hello To My Lilttle Frien ..!!!!

   Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..

   How can October be Breast awareness month? Men notice them all the time!

   do asian people widen there eyes and say "IM AMERICAN!"?

   When some one says "wait for it".....as a comedic device. Its even funnier to just drop kick them in the balls real fast. I like this!

   Why is "patience" a virtue? Why can't "hurry the f*ck up" be a virtue?

   I hope and pray for the day that seals become domesticated. I already have a saddle picked out for when I take mine for a walk.

   If I've learned anything from TV it's that kids will never be successful athletics or honor students unless I drive a minivan.

   Where will be your higher power if you could travel around in space?...

   It hurts me to see your "I'm in a relationship" status on Facebook.

   I saw the new Facebook movie. Filling the theater with annoying people adds a realistic touch.

   American Gladiator sports such as the giant hamster rolling ball thing should be introduced at the next olympics.

   I think I just contracted herpes in my eyes from watching Jersey Shore.

   I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.

   Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?"

   There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.

   This October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in one month. It happens only once every 823 years.