Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cookie Monster: People ask me what me favorite kind of cookie, but me no can choose! Me equal opportunity eater.

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   how come the nesquik rabbit can drink his milk while the trix rabbit can't eat his food?

   likes it on the floor, next to the bed, so she doesn't forget it it when I kick her out in the morning

   Told a girl free refills with a magic mouth. I guess she never saw that snickers commercial...

   could care less where you leave it - as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.

   Sometimes you just have to accept you can`t win every battle , no matter how hard you try .. but just because you lost a battle doesn`t mean you can`t win the war.

   doesn't want none unless you got buns hun

   - Advice !! Something we seek as long as it`s an answer we wanted in the first place.... Like you want me to reaffirm your choice !!

   How about instead of doing the 69, we just do the 68. It's where you do me... and I owe you one.

   ...BBC News: 'Cap For Unemployed Families On Benefits' - Burberry by any chance?

   May the mass times acceleration be with you.

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen

   I am not the man they think I am back home

   Remember the days when you would leave for work, and say goodbye to your spouse, lover or partner, knowing you probably wouldn't talk to them until you got home from work? No cellphones, emails, texting, facebook, blah, blah! Man, though were the days...

   when I said pull out, I didnt mean shot me in the eye either!

   3 roomates and the end of the toilet paper ALWAYS end on me.. WTF!!!!!

   I'm a whole new breed of special.

   Instead of telling everybody what color is your damn bra, put 2 bucks in the freaking can at the shopping center if you really want to help people with breast cancer, for Christ's sake!! Stop talking on facebook and give money!

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her